Pokey Tutu

Kids say the darndest things. Mine is no exception. I remember when I was a kid and Bill Cosby had a show called Kids Say the Darndest Things. It was pretty funny then but now that I'm a perfectly imperfect mama, my perfectly imperfect daughter never ceases to amaze me with what comes out of her pre-schooler mouth. Here's a conversation we had recently that will give you yet another glimpse into our perfectly imperfect world. Oh I should mention you need a glossary to really appreciate the comedy. Tutu-yeah you're thinking about a ballet costume. Ummmm in our house it has another meaning. We refer to a girl's, um, well, you know as a tutu. This was started by my mother when I was a child, I guess her way of dressing it up and making it sound pretty. I'm just perpetuating the madness, don't judge me. Ok here's what happened immediately following her bath one night:

P.I. Daughter-"Mama, when I grow up am I gonna get a pokey tutu?"
Me-"A what??"
Her (as she rolled her miniature eyes because I was apparently being dense)-"I said, a pokey tutu!"
Me (in my head)-"WTF is this child talking about? Maybe I don't really want to know.......this has the potential to not turn out well, but I'll bite."
Me(out loud)-"Umm daughter, exactly what is a pokey tutu?"
Her (clearly annoyed with my stupidity at this point)-"You know! A POKEY TUTU!!"

She then proceeded to make a fist, stick out her pointer finger, and hold it down......in front of her tutu as she wiggled her pointer finger.

I almost choked!!

Me-"Daughter, where did you see a pokey tutu?"
Her-"Oh all the boys at my school have them, so am I gonna get one too?"

Now I'm ready to faint because I'm having visions of these pre-schoolers playing doctor and rounds of show me yours and I'll show you mine. Seriously, I have to deal with this NOW??!!

Me-"Umm,how did you see the boys' pokey tutus? Did they show them to you?"
Her-"Well, no but when they go potty they stand there and wiggle them and all the girls can see them."

*Sidenote, this is pre-school, there are 4 stalls in the bathroom, but no doors.

Me (in my head)- "Thank God! I thought I was gonna have to go up to that school and raise the roof off that joint!!"
Her-"You still didn't answer my question, am I gonna get one?"
Me (between failed attempts to stifle the laughter and snorting coming from me)-"No honey,you're not going to get one. And it's not called a pokey tutu, it's called a penis, only boys have them. Stop watching the boys go potty."

Me(again in my head)-"If it was up to me you'd NEVER see one!!"
Her-"Aww man.......I think pokey tutus are funny. I wish I could get one."

Me (in my head)- "End this madness NOW!"
Me- "Well you're not. Now put on your jamma suit (with the feet in them), finish watching Backyardigans, and get ready for bedtime!"
Her-"Fine Mama. I was just asking you a question."

Me (in my head)- "How many more months until the next perfectly imperfect daughter arrives and I can have a glass of wine? I sure could use a glass of Reisling right now!!"

Instead I settled for a bowl of ice cream as I laughed my you know what off the rest of the might. Pokey tutu. They say the darndest things.............